Farewell to J-Pow, the ultimate "Money Printer Go Brrr" legend. As you pack up your printer and head for the exit on May 15, the entire sub salutes you for your service in making our portfolios look like a Jackson Pollock painting—mostly red with occasional splashes of "soft landing" delusion. We’ll never forget the way you’d walk to the podium, whisper the word "transitory," and immediately send the VIX to the moon while our 0DTE calls evaporated into the ether. You were the only man brave enough to hike rates while the economy was screaming in the backseat, all while maintaining that "poker face of doom" that could make a grown bull cry. May your retirement be filled with infinite liquidity and zero "sticky" inflation. We hope you find a hobby that doesn’t involve incinerating our life savings, though we suspect you’ll just be at the casino, staring at the roulette wheel and waiting for the data to become "sufficiently restrictive" before you place a bet. You were the hero we deserved, but definitely not the one our bank accounts needed. Godspeed, you magnificent hawk; we’ll see you in the breadline. Bull r fuk.

---

J pow was only making 191k a year? Obviously nothing to scoff at but that for the head of the reserve? Holy underpaid

---

Pow straight in the 🅱️erussy

---

So I've blocked you. Wondering why? Consult the criteria below: ✅ you done a racism ✅ ⁠you done a sexism ✅ ⁠you done a bi-erasure ✅ ⁠you heckin disrespected sex work ✅ you called me “Joe Cuckold” Twitter is my weapon of justice, and the block button my bullet. Pow.

---